I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
