Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
