Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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