I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
