This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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