At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've blown a few things in my day
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
