I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I want is dick and wine.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
