i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
