Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
