I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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