Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
