And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
