I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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