I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
