I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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