Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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