At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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