Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
