I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
