for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
