he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
