I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My life is pants optional.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
