bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
