yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
