Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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