fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am available for nakedness
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
