There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
