I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
