A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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