I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
