my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
