just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
