you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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