I feel great
I just peed on a car
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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