Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
