but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
