The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
