I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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