i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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