..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
