He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
