I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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