so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
