It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
