He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
