I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the raccoons are back...
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