What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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