dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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