I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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