Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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