so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
