Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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