I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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