I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
