all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
