I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
