I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
