the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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