I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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