ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
