I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
