Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
