Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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