I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
