Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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