Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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