OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
