Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
