i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
