as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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