So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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