remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
