Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bring me that man meat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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